Beautiful, merry 48 hours

I started this yesterday...but, I never got any further than the title. Sad. I know.
But, the past 48 hours has been full of inward searching, and I can't seem to figure out if my heart is the worse for wear because of it. These past two days have been long, and I have been tired, and overwhelmed, and felt bad for being rude without even trying to someone who looks to me to be a nice kind person...I have been elated with meeting new people, and somehow in that same span of time I've felt lower than low for not remembering someone's name and the way they reacted because of it. I think I might beat myself up too much for not being able to please other's...and it's a habit I just do not know how to shake.

I hung out with one of my rare solid friends here in Raleigh. And he leaves me in ten days to go off to only he knows where. And I couldn't help but be completely sad when he drove off. There went someone who gets me, and respects me, and makes me laugh just in the way he says hello when he calls. And off he goes. He'll be back, I know. But, in a time where I am living with a near stranger, it's nice to have someone to relax, goof off, and talk shit around.

And yet, God totally revealed himself yesterday. Because Sunday's are always better days. My sense of place, and not having a real place of belonging has weighed heavily on me the last few days. As I sat in service, in the only place I feel completely comfortable in here in Raleigh, I buckled under the weight. Of trying to remember Jesus lives in me, of my relationship and everything that surrounds it, of investing in others, of my good friend who is helpless, homeless, and friendless in Canada-whom I cannot help in any way, school, two weeks of sick, all of it. I just had to breathe. And as the epiphany of wanting to belong--to someone, to somewhere, to a group of fun girls!--a new song played, "For I am God, and you are mine."
Beautiful.

And just after, I randomly run into a bunch of solid Christian Army boys at vintage for the first time. And then, they invite me to lunch.
Even more grand.

I'm trying desperately to see the positive light, and not focus so hard on what I am not. But, instead, to use what He has made me into to positively effect others.

I do love my life here. I know, beyond everything, that I am supposed to be here. To what extent, I do not know.
Trust every day. Love every day. Look up and remember God every day.

Oh how I long for Waffle Houses with strong friends though.
It'll be okay. Tomorrow is a better, brighter day.